No jury duty for you--one year!

So apparently my civic duty amounts to one phone call and a recorded message excusing me from further duty for the next twelve months. And lo, I remain only Ruler of the Universal Remote. But at least I rule 50% of it. Oh, who are we kidding--I rule 85% of it (it's ok, G never reads my blog).

Now that I've got jurisprudence out of my system, I can focus my attention onto something else very near and dear to my heart--delivery pizza. Monday night, a Pizza Hut delivery driver was gunned down in Richmond while on the phone getting directions from the customer. So very, very wrong. Normally, I would rail against Pizza Hut and the greasy/bready/generally gross disc they peddle, but in this we stand united:

HANDS OFF THE FU$%ING PIZZA GUY!

Delivery pizza stands for everything that makes America great and it should be considered an act of terrorism to interfere with our right to hot cheese at our doorstep! Accordingly, the pizza guy should be cherished, lauded, and tipped generously. I hope when they find the shooter they ship him off to Guantanamo for a date with Jack Bauer. Tell me where the pepperoni is!

Slacker, Slacker, pants...of lacquer?

I have failed NaBloPoMo and bow to KnittyNay's superior blogging power. Between the Vicodin haze and the endless Heroes marathon at Chez Partial Ocean View, I just hadn't been able to muster the will to type. Though the Vicodin haze remains (I do love me some prescription narcotics), I'm trying to get back to life.

My next great adventure is Jury Duty. I find out tonight whether I have to report tomorrow morning. And then I find out tomorrow morning whether I have to report tomorrow afternoon. Can I just say that this is the least efficient system I can imagine--especially for people in the Bay Area who may have a multi-hour commute! My situation is bad enough, but at least it will be physically possible for me to make it to court in the afternoon, if called. I can't imagine what you're supposed to do if you commute to Sacramento or into The City from Livermore?

At any rate, I'm actually looking forward to the possibility of serving on a jury. I find our legal system fascinating, which is part of the reason. Mostly, though, I've seen too many juries Get It Wrong and, of course, when I'm on the jury, we will Get It Right. This is my tiny little opportunity to rule the Universe...or at least 8.33% of it. I can't wait!

Now, with pictures!

Thanks for everyone's concern. I'm definitely feeling better, if not best. I was feeling so good after a Magical G Massage (tm) that we were able to go out to dinner last night, thus completing a solid week of not cooking at home. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting better and I'll see what I can do to find a pilates class (grumble, grumble).

In the meantime, I have pictures from the Great Turkey Fry of 2007 for your viewing pleasure:

Thanksgiving

Today, I am thankful for Atavan. And Vicodin. And Lorazipam. Because thanks to the combonation of these wonderful drugs, I was able to muster the strength for a drive down to SJ for a really yummy deep-fried heritage turkey and some truly amazing stuffing. Ooooh, and two kinds of pie (you should really try one of FeministSAHM's pies, if you ever get the chance). Not to mention the cranberries!! Mmmmm...cranberries.

I'm mostly thankful for my wonderful G who woke up out of a dead sleep to the sounds of my sobbing screams at 2:00am and hauled my whiny self down to the emergency room where they gave me all of those wonderful drugs. He even held my hand and made jokes while the nurse (who did not know, thanks to G, just how bad a patient I could have been) gave me the horrible shot.

So this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful to my wonderful G, my fabulous FILs, and modern medicine.

Too Much Pain to Post

Sorry, guys, but all of my wit and charm have been taken over by the horrible pain in my neck. I'll try again tomorrow.

Reality check, please!

I was watching one of my many wedding shows and one of the brides went on an extended diatribe about the Wedding Industry. It's designed to make give you an impossible ideal to live up to, so you spend outrageous sums of money trying. And I could totally have gotten behind her, until the narrator revealed her $100,000 wedding price tag.

Asinine Study Watch

Today's asinine study takes us to the Yahoo! headline "Wives with bigger paychecks do less housework, study finds." All together now: "Duh."

Nostalgic for technology

G & I were watching the latest Reaper (fantastic show, btw) and the episode featured an 8-track tape. I'm not so young that I never experienced the awesomeness of the 8-track, but most of my formative music years were spent with cassettes and, more specifically, the beloved mix tape. I'm not sure why the mix CD never caught on, but it really is a shame. But for those of us who pine for the old days, I've found this. BFF not included.

Whew!

Well, it's over. We survived and had a good time, even. And the best part is that there's still half a cake left! That's what makes all of the preparation worth it--when the guests are gone and it's nothing but you and too much dessert. Mmmmm.... We also learned a great new game called Cattle Baron involving many, many different colored dice. So now I have to go online and see how many different colors I can get and torture you all with it.

It's a rite of passage, I suppose.

Tomorrow night, G's boss and his boss' wife are coming over for dinner and I'm completely freaking out, people. I'm not sure why--it's not like I've never thrown a dinner party before. But for whatever reason, I'm having the kind of anxiety usually reserved for first-time skydiving and OB/GYN appointments. I should be in the kitchen making the sauce for my baked ziti, but instead I'm sketching elaborate plans to develop an appendicitis in the late afternoon. A properly timed emergency surgery is sure to necessitate a reschedule, don't you think? The only flaw I can see is my lack of appendix. Plan B, anyone?

Losing My Religion

Sitting on BART this morning, I read this great article, which got me thinking about religion and, more specifically, my relationship with religion.

Growing up, I went to Sunday school in Baptist churches, learned all the books of the bible, and took the lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior about half a dozen times (they kept asking me if I had and I could never remember--I figured I was better safe than sorry). I still don't know why I went to Baptist churches since my father is Catholic and my mother was...I don't really know what she was then. But I went to church and really liked it. Not so much for the religious aspects, but because it was fun to hang out with my friends and do crafts and hear stories (the same is probably true for most kids in Sunday school). Eventually, I got older and stopped going when it no longer fit into my schedule of whatever it was I did in junior high (probably hair-spraying my bangs and wearing too much blue eyeshadow--these things are very time-consuming for a thirteen-year-old).

Sometime after I started high school, my mother became deeply involved with a Religious Science church. I attended that, too, but mostly to spend time with my mother. And I don't remember much about the church's philosophy, but I do remember it being a place with very positive energy and full of very positive people. [Edited: I read the Wikipedia article I've linked to and have to say that I'm down with their philosophy. I do actually believe that positive thinking leads to clarity of thought, which in turn leads to better decision-making and, thus, a better, happier life.]

It wasn't until after I started college that I really thought about what I believed and decided I was an atheist. Most atheists I know identify as such either out of a rebellion against a religion forced upon them or to stand opposed to religion itself. I don't really do either. As you can see, I had a pretty relaxed relationship with religion growing up. And I've seen the wonderful things religion can do for some people. I've just never been able to reconcile the idea that organized religion was developed by the same people who thought the world was flat and that bloodletting was the best treatment for every ailment from a headache to an appendicitis. And I'm supposed to trust them on this?

My Wedding, A Snapshot

Brides on The Knot chat boards have all have a "bio," which is basically an inspiration board/snapshot of their wedding. They're incredibly helpful to get a general feel for the wedding, to derive inspiration, and to find vendors! If you'd like a sneak preview of what you'll see next year, check out mine!

G, DO NOT CLICK HERE (DRESS ALERT!)

The Next Iron Chef (Spoiler!)

The Food Network's "The Next Iron Chef" recently ended (I'm not sure when--like everything else, it just appears on Tivo) and the winner was Michael Symon...from Cleveland. Seriously. I always thought Drew Carey was being ironic.

San Francisco was well represented in the show by Traci Des Jardins, of Jardiniere fame, and Chris Cosentino, of Noe Valley's Incanto. As luck would have it, I've had the pleasure of having eaten at both places, although I don't remember much about dinner at Incanto. I know a group of us went during "Dine About Town," a program restaurants in San Francisco have to boost business in otherwise-idle January. (Many of the best restaurants in San Francisco participate and serve a three-course menu for $25.) Having sadly not remembered the food at Incanto, I went looking for their menu online and found the Most Fabulous Idea Ever:

"We serve a special menu for large groups in the Dante Room, starting at $50 per person for a 4-course menu. With a minimum of three weeks' notice, we also offer a Whole Beast option, comprised of roast suckling pig, lamb, or goat, carved tableside for the entire group to enjoy."

I don't know about y'all, but I think I need to eat from a whole roast goat. Carved tableside. Who's in?!

I Love Me a Geek II

G has added the following shows to my Strike Survival lineup:

WKRP
Barney Miller
Taxi
Dinosaures

My hero!

The Last Lombax

There are very few video games I like, but the ones I like I'll spend hours upon hours playing. When I should really be sleeping. Like now, for instance. Who needs sleep when there is Raritanium to find?!

Sorry, Kim!

I'm a horrible person. I was supposed to go to the Cal game this afternoon. In spite of the rain. In fact, I talked to Kim around noon and told her that I was going for sure. But the rain was so wet and the fire was so warm. Officially, I didn't go because my car was still in the shop. It was (I didn't pick it up until 5:00), but I still feel bad.

This is the third game I've missed this season (bad Cal fan!) and every one has been a loss. Kim and her dad, of course, have concluded that my absence is responsible. It wasn't that long ago that I was a jinx, but now I'm a good luck charm. I'm not complaining....

Everybody plays, everybody wins

My vocabulary sucks. I always thought it was pretty good, but apparently I was always wrong. Oh well, it's for a good cause. Check it out.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly II

The Good: Through the magic of NaBloPoMo, I've discovered Use Real Butter, a groovy little blog that contains some of the best amateur food porn I've seen in a while. It's so good, in fact, that I think I may have to try my hand at homemade tamales. Mmmm...

The Bad: JessicaM solidifies her status as She-Who-Knows-Better-Than-I-Do-What-I-Like-To-Eat. I did, in fact, eat mincemeat pie on Christmas. I partook at my Grandma Dorothy's house in Orangevale-upon-Negro-Bar when I was about 10 years old or so. It remains to this day one of the nastiest, grossest things I have ever eaten. Unfortunately, I said as much to Grandma and she was rather offended by the review. Sorry, Grandma!

The Ugly: Had a rough morning today. As I was buttoning up my pants the button came flying off. I hastily sewed it back on, but still missed my BART train. Then, sitting on BART, d#mnit if the button didn't BREAK OFF. Seriously, when I got to the office and checked out the situation, the center of the button was still securely sewn to the waistband, but the outer part had broken off. I'm attributing it to my Abs of Steel because denial is easier than situps.

God Save The Queen!

Lest you think we Americans had the market cornered on crazy, Yahoo headlines presents:

The Top 10 Most Ridiculous British laws

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down.
3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day.
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.
6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet.
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen.
8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing.
9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.
10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

These laws are apparently real and I've only ever violated one of them. Tune in tomorrow to find out which one!

The end is nigh!

OMG my life is over! The television writers are striking! I cannot overstate the magnitude of the crisis this represents for me. I have been watching gobs of television since I was a zygote, I'm pretty sure. (Although she never celebrated her addiction the way I do, my mother nevertheless shared my love of the bastard machine. Fortunately, she loved to read, too, so I didn't grow up hopelessly addle-brained.)

The key issue between the networks and the writers is dvd residual payments. The writers got screwed the last go 'round because they bought into the idea that the dvd format was "untested" and they agreed to forgo their royalties. Thus, when box sets of Airwolf and Knight Rider were churned out by the truckload, everyone else got rich while the writers looked on. This time, they're not giving up so easily and they're prepared for the long haul. But I'm not! They haven't even started airing reruns yet and I'm already holed up in the corner with my blankie and a bottle of cabernet, begging G to tell me it's all a bad dream.

You would think that the volume of shows accumulated on my Tivo, culled from the 50 (yes, I said 50) programmed season passes would weather me through the storm. But you'd be mistaken. In my estimation, that will get me through about 2 weeks, maybe less since The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have already succumbed. I just don't think that's going to cut it. I need a plan:

1. Put down the cabernet (optional).
2. Add the following to the Netflix queue: 30 Rock, Deadwood, The Singing Detective, Slings and Arrows, Californication, and Homicide.
3. Add a season pass (51!) of The Amazing Race.
4. Hope the strike is over before forced to stoop to Dancing With The Stars.

**WW**

If you thought a Blogroll was bad...JessicaM's insolence (see comments, yesterday's post) will be punished by a blog entry about the two things stressing me out most about my upcoming wedding: Something Blue and Something Borrowed.

Anyone who knows me will not be at all shocked that the thing causing me the greatest stress is the stupidest, most trivial bit of the least importance. Guest list? No sweat. Orangizing two dozen vendors? Child's play. Finding something in one of my own colors to satisfy some stupid 18th century rhyme? My wedding will be ruined!

Right now the leading idea for something blue is an embroidered label, attached to the inside of the dress, like the picture on the left. But I can't decide whether that's lame. I was thinking about blue shoe clips, but all the ones I've seen are ugly. =(

And does anybody have any earrings they want to lend me?

Blogroll

Inspired by KnittyNay, here's my list of sites, visited daily:

FeministSAHM
KnittyNay
Domesticrafts
Crazy Aunt Purl
Things I Can't Stop Thinking About
The Knot (Northern California)
Weddingbee
Yarn Harlot
I Can Has Cheezburger
Ravelry
Go Fug Yourself
San Francisco Chronicle

Jealous, I'm Sure

My FILs are in town this weekend and I totally talked my FMIL into making this apple spice cake from the new Martha Stewart Living. I have the best FMIL ever! Thanks for loaning her to me, J! =)

Bye Bye Battleship Grey

It looks like our landlord is going to paint our house and do some other maintenance around the place. I'm somewhat baffled by the whole thing, though. He just painted it five years ago and the paint is fine (if a little prison-like). G thinks he might be trying to sell it, but we offered to buy it two years ago when the market was better and he turned us down. Not sure why he'd want to sell it now when the market's so bad, but who knows. Cross your fingers for a good color!

How Super Cute Is My Nephew?!

I mean, really now. The kid just can't get any cuter. I'm not sure whether I've updated y'all recently, but just in case I haven't: The doctors have exhausted their ideas and it appears that the trach tube is there for the foreseeable future. Once he's grown a little more, they can try another reconstruction, but for now the situation is what it is. Also, because of his disability, he'll be starting school a little earlier than normal. I don't quite understand that, but evidently, that's how it goes. Which means, I really need to learn some ASL if I want to communicate with him. I can already finger spell, so I've got a bit of a leg-up. And I think the JC near my house offers evening ASL classes, so you'll know where to find me next fall!